Addiction

Yes, I will admit, I am literally addicted to diet pepsi. There is not a 12 step program to break this addiction. Every now and then I tell myself, “okay Laura it is time to stop. You can do this, it’s just soda. You have broken worse habits.” But it seems every time I lose the battle and start back up. There really are no excuses; it is a choice I am making.

I will open up my private world about some past habits/addictions. Starting very early in my life I knew I had an addictive personality. It has created events that do not leave the best of memories.

Boys would be my first major addiction; always trying to find one to save me from the lack of having my dad in my life. The boyfriend I had all through high school was my first addiction. We had a very dangerous, violent relationship. There were drugs, sex, weapons, alcohol, abuse, and police almost on a daily. I think you can get the picture. I know looking back, it was one of those relationships people looked at and said “why does she stay with him” or “one of them is going to kill the other.” At the time I can say I believed 100% I couldn’t live without him. It took my dad, restraining orders and moving out of the state to break that addiction.

The next addiction would be drugs. Coming off my relationship in high school moving straight into another one with a guy that I didn’t know doesn’t put you into the right frame of mind. I found I was using to function with daily life and trying to coupe. I cannot say I ever had a moment were I hit rock bottom, but at some point I decided I wanted to take control of my life again I moved in with my sister in a different state.

The third addiction I am not ready to talk about yet, but lets just say my amazing husband Jay, changed my life.

Currently I like to say that God is my addiction, but I don’t think addiction is the right word. He has put me in a place to learn about him and turn to him for everything in my crazy life. He has made me stronger to deal with this “addictive personality” and not allowed it to control my life any longer. Someday I hope to help other young girls that are in “bad” relationships, but that is not Gods plan for me right now.

In closing, my “addiction” to Diet Pepsi does not seem so bad. But it really is a habit I would like to break, so I will continue to pray about it and listen for the right time.